I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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