Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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