Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Redeem this text for a blowjob
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
