Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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