3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
