I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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