I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
