Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
