My liver just broke up with me...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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