i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
