I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize