I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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