I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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