it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you made out with another girl for some wings
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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