I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
