its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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