whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
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I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
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I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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