Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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