So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I supernannyed him into submission
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
