I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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