ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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