Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
