dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
