I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
