I think i peed on brittanys purse
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?