Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
