I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Be still, my beating vagina.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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