That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
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I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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