When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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