just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
im on a boat
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