Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
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When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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