i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
