im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
