Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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