Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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