Betty ford says i'm here all night
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
