Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
