Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
