Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
