I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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