mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you never un-have a 4some
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
