She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
