but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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