I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize