he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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