why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
