we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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