Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
