I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
