i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
