The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
