So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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