How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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