You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
