By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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