Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
