Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
