take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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