so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
ttyl tear gas
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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