What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
