Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
