Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
