I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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