i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Small penises have feelings too.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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