im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Randomize
