margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
50% drunk capacity currently
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
