We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
