Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
