Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
