so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
