There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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