I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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