So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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