You smell like a Billy Joel song
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
