I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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