i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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