I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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